September 14, 2007
The Next Train
I'm so psyched to see this page back up again, I can't hold back to post everything else I've written during this time! Hopefully I can fill in the gaps as time goes by...
I was reading an essay last night, on college life. I came across something pertinent to what's been casting a shadow over my thoughts for the past week:
-Whether the changes are all on a larger or a smaller scale, whether they are permanent and slow to evolve or temporary and quickly assumed, they are evidence of a fundamental characteristic of human nature. No individual is a single personality; his several selves develop and shift and mingle as he moves through experience, and each part contributes to the making of a whole.-
Needless to say, what I've developed into over these four years doesn't impress me much; and no, I don't feel as though I'm being to harsh on myself. I've only always expected myself to do my best, even though in reality I've laid off my work pretty easily and without much conscious thought, and sadly, continue to do so. In truth, none of that hurts as much as the reason I see to all that. Even up to a week ago, I was simply content to think I gave it up for a cause I thought worthy. For friends who cherished me the way I did them; thought of me as I did of them. To have all that taken away has left me empty-handed, and I can't seem to find enough courage inside to get a train ticket to a new destination. As I always used to say, there's a light at the end of every tunnel... hopefully it's not a train!
This time though, hope seems too little to go on. This time I need certainty to push me forward into a new path.
Truly, ignorance is bliss.
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