September 23, 2007
Save the Best for Last
And then there was one... or better yet, then there was no one!
1st day of school. We had our own little ritual. Walk through 16th of Azar (my Bday!) Street over to Enghelab Street, walk along the southern grounds of campus, and start things by walking through the main gates: The University of Tehran, whose infamous gates are portrayed on every 50 tomans bill across the country - now replaced by the 50 tomans coin, which depicts a pheonix.
First year, 3 of us made the trip. Eventually we became 2, and this year, my last year, I was alone. It felt sad, and I was even tempted to take a shorter route, but there was a deep feeling of deception, one I can't quite put my finger on, in not keeping with it. So I did. I played Fort Minors' "Where'd U Go" as I made my way over to the gates, walked up past "Kajestan" (roughly meaning field of pine trees and the most beautiful and cozy space on the central campus), the Faculty of Law and Political Sciences, and headed up towards my own faculty, Engineering, or as we locals simply call it, Fanni. This time around, there was no grin on my face, and I would've punched someone down had they nudged a friend signaling an approaching freshman. This time around I was alone, and in a hurry to make it to class. I didn't even bother looking around as I made my way up to my department to figure out which classroom was waiting for me; I actually kept my headphones on, playing my iPod at its highest volume, in hopes not to even hear anyone in case they called out or whatever - not that it was highly anticipated. Everything just felt... normal. As though I hadn't been away for a whole summer, as though I hadnt missed anyone, the tiles, the stairs, the announces' boards, the high cieling, the columns stretching across the huge "lobby" of the building, those same ones i'd used to conducte innumerous games of hide and seek from, avoiding people. The three tiny steps at each end of the lobby, leading to the best lockers in the building - one of which I owned the only other key to for the past 3 yrs - the steps I'd sat on for countless hours, with or without people, just to blow off steam, kill time, read, or people watch as I passed all those endless hours I'd wasted off in my first four years as a student in Fanni... Even saying these things now, I'm no longer tempted to go and take a look, see who's enjoying all my precedent passtimes, sometimes oin a desperate attempt to just have time pass them by...
The volleyball net behind Fanni's been taken down, completely... We used to play, Faz and I, even at times like these, even when it was Ramadan and we were fasting (her actually, I only started last year) we'd play and play and play, till we'd hear the azan and, the long wait being over, could go get something to eat...
It was a pretty boring day to be a 1st day of school sort of thing... The weather was hot, no one could eat, having it be Ramadan and such, and all I could think to myself was what the hell are they gonna do to make it memorable? Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm too old... Or maybe I'm just too alone. Nothing feels the same. Maybe in time though, I can find some comfort in everything new. But I'm not holding my breath or anything. As a wise man used to say: "We'll see".
It annoys me. In highschool, every single so-called 1st day of school, my dad dropped me off himself... every single one, except the last. He was away for 3 weeks. It was lame and pathetic, I know, but it brought more than just a few tears seeing the ritual broken; it made me cry. This year, maybe because I've become more rough around the edges, there weren't any tears or even dewy moments. There was just this awful bitter feeling, one that kept nagging, one that kept asking: Why this time around? Why this very last time around?
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